I woke up yesterday morning with my tongue firmly clamped between my teeth.
I know what this means; I had too much to drink last night. For some reason whenever I drink too much I wake up having thoroughly chomped my tongue. Perhaps it’s some sort of sadistic self punishment?!
Now in fairness it was a Bank Holiday weekend and I doubt I was the only person in England to wake realising that they were responsible for helping to rid the world of the evils of alcohol (by drinking it) a little too enthusiastically. And I hadn’t got ridiculously drunk, just merry with friends. But I still felt bad.
I like a glass of wine and feel I am one of a conflicted generation. We are shown the glamour and social aspect of drinking by the media constantly. And at the same time we are reminded at every turn of how few units we should drink a week.
I believe that we should all take responsibility and self regulate. Which is why I was annoyed having woken with my chewed tongue.
Since Bob died I have not been self regulating anywhere near enough. I am exercising my little heart and lungs out on a daily basis and generally eating well to maintain my aching muscles but I am then having a glass of wine to soothe the ache of loss. I know that some of you will think ‘that’s fine and a normal reaction’ and others will think ‘that’s very silly and not the way to handle it at all’. All of you are right and wrong. It is a normal reaction and it is not the way to handle it…but it’s not a very clever reaction and how else do I handle it!
Don’t get me wrong, it is one or two glasses of wine not a bottle a night. My night cap is still hot chocolate or Horlicks (wild child that I am) with no naughties added.
As an aside, I am aware of how amusing the Canadians/Americans/Australians who we met on our travels last year found ‘Horlicks’. And I could see their point – who named it that?!?!
But those one or two glasses make me feel just fuzzy enough to want to go to bed. They make me believe I will sleep and not lie staring into the dark. They make the emptiness of the other side of the bed easier to handle.
What they don’t do is make me feel good. They make me feel slower in morning exercise. They stop me losing the bit more weight I would like to lose , which of course would make me that little bit faster on the bike! And worst of all the wine bottle then whispers to me about hidden peanut stashes in the kitchen and sends me to retrieve them…there goes the weight again.
I need to have more nights off. Need to get back on the Vanilla Redbush tea which Bob had me got me into drinking.
By telling you all this I am challenging myself. Now I know that any of you could ask me “How’s it going with cutting down on the wine?” And I would be embarrassed if I could not tell you I had had some nights off. Just don’t ask me tomorrow eh?
It has been a nice few days in terms of catching up with friends. I was dreading the long weekend and it has probably bought me as low as I have been for weeks. But seeing familiar faces, laughing with friends, cycling with my Dad and sister and an awesome Easter dinner cooked by Mum made it all bearable.
I have mentioned a few times how many people have been in touch since Bob died and I just want to send out a quick message to you all again. If I have said I would like to catch up with you I really would! I am just a little bad at organising things right now. Sometimes the simplest tasks are too intimidating, sorry. But please do nag me, force a date or decision and I’ll be there.
To cycling matters! I haven’t covered as many miles this week as I had hoped, the solo rides take their toll on my mind. So my total of miles trained so far is now 303.88 with 111.14 of those in the last week. Not bad on a normal week but, for one with a four day weekend, not the greatest either.
My plan is to get to Yorkshire or Wales in the next few weeks and find some proper hills to practice on…not many of those in Nottinghamshire. So hope to have more impressive stats soon!
All of our team have been declared ‘certifiable’ by the lovely landlady of the guesthouse at the start of the C2C ride. She may well be right but she is still insisting that she will be getting up at 4 am to wave us off on the day. That sort of little thing melts my heart!
Be More Relentless.
I now mainly write on my new blog; An Adventurous Girl. I would love it if you would join me there by clicking here.