It’s Been A While

Dear Bob

It’s been a while. Too long. But it always will be won’t it? Today I looked at your number in my phone and thought about calling you. I do sometimes consider it, just in case you hear it ring. I suppose I could send you a text, you never replied to them anyway – You: ‘I didn’t think it needed an answer’ Me: ‘But it was a question!’. But I have only sent you one text since you died and I have never tried to call for fear of hearing your voice on the answerphone. I’m pretty sure that would make me crumble.

I would really like a chat though. A little bit of practical Bob advice perhaps. But mainly just a good talk about adventures and challenges! You introduced me to this life; you showed me there was far more out there than television and holidays to Magaluf (although the holidays in Magaluf were fun!). I can’t thank you enough for this life I have now. I am so lucky to have done fantastic things and met wonderful people. And Bob I have so many more plans too! Next year I have agreed to cycle London to Paris in 24 hours…do you remember the girl who would have said she couldn’t do that?! Now I just seem to agree to challenges without question. I want you to know that I learnt that from you.

Knowing you gave me the strength to get through losing you. If I had never met you I wouldn’t be the Cadi I am today. But I wouldn’t bear the scars either. The scars are hampering me a little at the moment Bob. I’m struggling with some things. I know it is bad when I sit in front of my open wardrobe and my mind goes so completely blank that I cannot even start to consider what clothes to put on. But I do want you to know that I would never ever give up those scars if it meant not having met you and not living this life.

I’d like you to meet some of the new people in my life too Bob. You would have got on so well with some of them. And you would be proud of me…I find it so much easier to get along with new people now. You know how I could be shy and too self conscious to connect? Well I have been really working on it and I’m getting there. Mainly because I have finally realised how many bloody good people there are out there and how much I can learn from them.

You will get this next bit though Bob. It seems that the more people I know the more adventures I learn about. The more I sign up to and the more I want to do! It’s great I just need a few more days in the year to fit it all in. You couldn’t throw me a little extra time down from up there could you?

I hope you hear me Bob because I so want to thank you for all of this. I hope there are challenges and adventures where you are. I really could do with a proper chat sometime. Call me.

Love Cadi x

I now mainly write on my new blog; An Adventurous Girl. I would love it if you would join me there by clicking here.


7 thoughts on “It’s Been A While”

  1. Well done, Cadi. You’ve acknowledged the contribution Bob made to your life and indicated that you’re moving on, which as it should be. You’re a beautiful, interesting young woman who should be getting on with her life and I’m glad to see that you are getting back out in the fast lane. You’ll never forget Bob and nor should you but life is to be lived and you are going the right way about it. Love you tons, Mum. X

  2. Hi Cadi. You have a beautiful way of portraying such raw emotion in a succinct, relatable and non contrived way. I am so sad for what you have been through and have nothing but admiration for your strength and tenacity to carry on and live your life. You’re also very brave for sharing these honest thoughts and feelings. Lucy x

  3. Hi Cadi,
    Bob would be mightly proud of you right now.
    You are an incredibly inspirational woman reaching out to others with the way you are dealing and processing your life.
    Thank You for that.
    Remember to always be kind to yourself as you deserve the very best.
    Caroline x

    1. Thank you so very much. It’s a long and probably never ending journey but i am trying to find some joy alkng the way.
      It does help so much when others reach out and get in touch though.

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