However many times we dread Mondays or revel in the anticipation of a weekend we can never slow down or speed up their arrival. Mondays to Sundays will come and go at their own speed. All we can do is not wish our time away. It is impossible not to look forward to events in the future but we must never forget to make the most of the time we are in. Simple really.
I think this mentality is why my life is about to change. I have made a conscious decision to stop wishing it away. When Bob died last year everything about the way I lived my life shifted. The priority became to get through every day. Wake up, set the auto-pilot and go. Gradually that moved to me learning to get up and look for some joy in my day. Something good to hold on to so that I knew it was worth getting out of bed.
I found those pieces of joy so much more easily than I thought I would. I found them in my wonderful family and friends. I found them in sport, in nature and in the strength and kindness of strangers.
But I was struggling with one thing. I knew that I needed to make a break. I have come so far with my healing and now it is time to push my boundaries. So I did something which people have variously called brave, bold, great and exciting (no one has dared say crazy yet!)…I handed in my notice with no other job to go to. It sounds like a rash decision to make but I can promise it was a measured choice.
When Bob died I could not have hoped for more supportive colleagues or a more understanding employer. They treated me so well and I will forever be grateful for that. If it wasn’t for their kindness and the lack of pressure put on me I genuinely don’t know how I would have coped with returning to work.
The people I work alongside everyday make me laugh. We are a true team and I know that I have made some friends for life. However it did not take away the growing knowledge that I needed to move. I was in our offices when I learnt of Bob’s death and the ghost of my shock and distress at that moment was hard to shake off.
So back to the joy! I want to find something new for my life. Hopefully a job where I can give out all those little bits of joy I so needed when times were tough. Having to pull positivity from negatives has changed my out look and I want to change other peoples too. I was travelling home from a night out last weekend and sat next to a lady on the bus. after a few minutes she said to me “I hate bus journeys. They are so boring and you just want to be home!”. I told her “Noooo! Theyre great because you can people watch. It can be especially amusing at this time of night.’ We chatted a little more and then sat silently. As I left the bus she looked at me and said ‘I’ve really enjoyed that! I’ve been watching those people at the front and trying to work out their stories. I might travel by bus more often now.’ It made me so happy to hear that.
I love meeting and helping people, love my sport and travel, love social media and I love working for charities. I want to meet new people and find ways to inspire them. And so now I am on the lookout for the perfect job for Cadi.
I am scared, terrified even. What if this doesn’t work out ? What if I have made a very poor decision? But I am also excited! I am the only one who can make this work. I am the one who has to get out there and sell myself. To convince people I am the right person for the job I want. No more auto-pilot, no more wishing it away.
I finish work at the end of March and fly out to Tibet on 25th of April. Tibet, I just know, will be amazing. A whole month experiencing new sights, new people and a whole different culture. Plus I get to travel with some of the friends and family who have given me those little pieces of joy over the past year and a bit. I am hoping that before I leave I will find something to come back to work wise. I want to bounce back into a new role with full on Cadi vigour and enthusiasm.
My weeks off will also give me a chance to up my fitness levels again. Being a total fair-weather cyclist has seen me running all winter whilst ignoring the (imagined) baleful glares from my bikes.
My one attempt at a winter bike ride bought about a nasty crash on the ice and a sore head for days after. Not to mention the guilt at having ‘hurt’ my bike. But I have been getting out a bit lately and plan on upping the bike fitness again over the next few weeks. In part this is to give my poor toes a rest having slightly annihilated them running a half marathon the other week – new trainers required!
As well as the challenge of finding a new job I also need to find some sporting challenges for July/August time. Any ideas on jobs or challenges will be gratefully accepted.
Finally I want to say thank you to all the people who gave me the courage to make the move. For all of you who believe in me and know why I needed to do this.
Life is changing and it feels so good!!!
I now mainly write on my new blog; An Adventurous Girl. I would love it if you would join me there by clicking here.