Nothing you truly desire is ever easy to achieve BUT if you want it badly enough you will fight for it.
This applies to so many situations in life. I am writing this whilst watching todays highlights of the Tour De France. Looking at the pain in those riders faces and how the raw desire to do their best allows them to push their bodies to the limit illustrates this perfectly. It also illustrates the fact that however hard you fight you may still not get what you desire.
At least if you fight you can say that you tried.
When I left my job a few months ago I knew that I was going to have a fight on my hands if I was to get to where I wanted to be. I’m still fighting but I am getting closer! Having signed up as an Independent Stylist with Stella and Dot I am able to fully indulge in my love of social media. I have started a new Twitter account and Facebook page specifically to promote the lovely jewellery I sell, my website and the opportunities for me to bring a pop-up jewellery boutique to your home or business. The social media bit comes easily to me but selling (however much I love my product) does not. I am nervous of being pushy and alienating people, even though deep down I know I am being over sensitive. I am hoping that my selling point of being honest and genuine will help me in the long run.
As well as my new Stella and Dot career I now also have a fab part time job at British Canoeing. Working for the Go Canoeing team I get to indulge in my other love; writing! I am loving getting my teeth into writing copy for news articles and their website. Plus being back in an office a couple of days a week means I get to meet new people.
There is no denying that not going to work each day can feel good in the short term. But as the weeks go on it is difficult to retain a feeling of self worth. I have not had a lazy day since leaving my job and always get up at ‘work time’ but I am so programmed to think that a person is not a person without a job that I often feel the need to justify. This is the very feeling which causes so many problems when people unexpectedly lose their job or reach retirement.
My desire is to get to the point where I can make enough money from Stella and Dot that I feel comfortable in telling people that I may not do 9-5 but I work hard to give myself the freedom. It’s not going to be easy but I will keep fighting for it.
My new relationship has not been easy in places too. It was never going to be though was it? I don’t think you can go through the trauma of a partner taking their own life with out carrying some scars over into subsequent relationships. Since Bob died I have prided myself on being there for others, for having the ability to listen where before I may not have had the time or patience. However the first time my partner really needed to rely on me for emotional support I panicked. What if I got it wrong and worse, what if I wasn’t strong enough? The last time someone had relied on me so deeply I felt I failed him.
So I almost pushed my new partner away. I briefly was cold and distant and had to spend some time working things through in my head. It is testament to him that, although this scared him, he was patient. He has known deep grief himself and understands the need for processing time. And so we made it through.
We have faced other adversity in our short time together but we know that this one is worth fighting for. It has to be worth fighting for when you meet someone who is willing to put up with your grumpiness when out on the hills on the bike! Luckily he has learnt to ignore my muttered profanities directed at his back as he allows me to draft behind him. He is also not complaining too much that, now I have discovered he is also faster than me at running, we are now starting to go swimming…the one sport at which I am faster than him. He’s got to be a keeper, right?!
Even though my life seems to be full of battles at the moment I am happy. I wish I could tell Bob out loud because I know it is what he would want but I still tell him in my head.
Let’s keep fighting on guys!
I now mainly write on my new blog; An Adventurous Girl. I would love it if you would join me there by clicking here.