About

In February 2014 my partner of almost seven years took his own life.

At the time people told me that I would not regain my own life for at least three years.

I was determined this would not be the case. My partner had introduced me to sport and adventure. We had travelled to wonderful and diverse places and taken part in many great events.

This blog is my story of coming back from the darkness of grief whilst honouring my late partners memory and spirit.

I decided to take on his planned challenge of cycling the Coast 2 Coast route in one day. With a great deal of love and support (and not a small amount of hard work and determination!) I completed this in August 2014.

My late partner will be with me every step of my life but now I also recognise my own strength and the need to take on challenges for myself and for my future.

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5 thoughts on “About”

  1. “Open your heart, love, and go on”.
    15th April 2013 will haunt me until the end of my days. He took his own life and I failed to notice the warning signs. The heavy burden of guilt and responsibility and stupidity will never disappear, but how I choose to carry these chains is up to me. I will wear them, but they will not ware me down. I will campaign to bring mental health out of the box that our society wants to continuously shove it in and lock it away into, in the eternal hope that no-one suffers like Mark did.
    Well done Cadi, for choosing the path you are taking. It is actually the hardest one to take, and at times it will try to trip you up. Don’t let it. Keep talking, keep sharing, keep remembering. The line written above is the last line of a poem I decided to be read out at Mark’s funeral, because I wanted everyone there to move forward with love, not pain. I will never forget it. Please don’t you either.

    1. Thank you Karen. I too failed to notice the signs and will forever wish I had spotted them. I feel so stupid now for not realising.
      Most days I am strong but there are days, like today, where the weight of missing him exhausts me totally.
      I hope you continue to heal and live a wonderful life xxx

  2. Thank you for the keeping the blog Cadi. My mum’s best friend has just lost her partner to suicide. Your blog is helping us to reach out to ourselves and each other. (ps I’m a friend of Sian’s)

    1. I’m so sorry to hear that Rowena. It is such a complex and deep grief. It is good that you are all reaching out to each other. If any of you want someone to talk to in person please do ask Sian to put us in touch. Sometimes it can be good to have someone who understands, but is not directly involved, to listen/talk to. Sending you love x

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